Today I walked down the stairs turned into the kitchen and was my Mother sitting at the kitchen table with the dog at her feet. Tootsie was in the room when Ma died, and I think she somehow knew when she left. Tootsie loved her. Ma loved Tootsie.
I was speechless…..”No, you aren’t dreaming” she said, “Can I have some coffee….if you have enough?”
She walked over to the kitchen counter and watched with interest how the Kuerig coffee machine worked…..hmmm she said. She asked me if I remembered how she liked her coffee. ”Half coffee, half water, with just a little cream” She liked to drink coffee at my house because I always had flavored creamers, she never bought it….too extravagant. She used skim milk at home.
I sat down across from her and she smiled. ”It’s my birthday you know. I would be ninety today, what a party that would be. You girls always overdid it, but I liked it.”
She had heard me asking her to visit. She picked this special day, her birthday, to finally come. Sometimes I thought the dreams of her were just dreams. She assured me that anytime I thought she was here….she was. Did you send the dragonflies that day? Of course she did, she said with a smirk……who else?
I asked her what it was like…wherever she was. Impossible to describe she said….there are no “words” to even begin to help me understand.
She told me to get my shit together, quit mourning, and fix things. Things are such a mess, how do I fix it all? She smiled her familiar purse lip smile and told me I knew what to do. I always knew what to do. Just do it.
Did you have any cookies? ”You always have good cookies for Joe”. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? When she didn’t answer I turned around ……….and she was gone. Her coffee cup was still there, I could smell her Emeraude cologne, but she was gone. Dammit! I looked at the clock, and it was 4:44, our favorite number.
I can’t tell anyone about this, they will think I have lost my mind.
As Ma would say, “We had a nice visit”.
Happy Birthday Ma. If I’d known you were coming I’d have baked a cake.
A dream?? I have no idea. But, it was nice seeing her.