If someone you love tells you she doesn’t feel good….believe her.
If someone you love tell you she is feeling weak….believe her.
If someone you love tells you she can’t go out to lunch with you because she is too tired….believe her.
If someone you love tells you that her legs and arms feel like lead, and she needs to stay in bed….believe her.
If someone you love tells you that her pain is really bad today…believe her.
If someone you love tells you that she can’t move because she is too dizzy….believe her.
If someone you love tells you that she has a headache of epic proportions…believe her.
If someone you love tells you that she has no energy….believe her.
If someone you love tells you that she hurts all over….believe her.
If you love someone who has made her life a little easier by:
Hiring a cleaning Lady
Having groceries delivered
Hiring a dogwalker
Shopping online for clothes
Don’t judge her.
If someone you love has changed:
And has a messy house now
And won’t make plans with anyone
And doesn’t entertain anymore
Used to be fun but isn’t anymore
Love her anyway.
Don’t say:
What’s wrong with your doctor?
Do you take vitamins?
Do you eat right…exercise…take your medicine?
Don’t question her.
Being sick is a horrible way to live, so don’t criticise someone who suffers daily. I have Friends that have: Menieres Disease, Fibromyalgia, CFS, Chronic Migraines, Anklosing Sponylitis, Chiari Malformation, Rheumatoid arthritis, Addison’s Disease, Cushing Disease, Avascular Necrosis, Crohn’s Disease, Depression, Hasimoto Thyroiditis and others that I can’t even remember.
If you love someone…don’t question her life, she is doing the best that she can.
Day by Day With My Adrenals 
Well said!
I may have to send a copy to some “friends” of mine. If they still want to be friends. I question that a lot.
I like this blog.
I’ve been reading from the most recent …and have loved each post.
thanks.
wendy
Wendy…you can copy anything you want, I like to share. Hope your world isn’t spinning today. Today I feel better than I have in a l o n g time. Hope it keeps up.
mo
Great poem Mo, says it all beautifully.
Mo,
Thank you for visiting my blog today! It’s nice to “meet” you. 🙂 Thank you for this wonderful post about the sticky business of people judging one another. Your words captured the importance of avoiding second-guessing patients – who are already coping with enough without having to explain themselves all the time.
Jeanne
P.S. Isn’t that a great song?
Like your blog. Found alot of new blogs to read from all your readers. Thanks.
mo
Very timely for me. I just had a big blow out with my sister…too much taking from her and too much dismissing my illness. There’s other stuff in there too but for me the thing that grinds me down is how she perceives my illness and acts about it. Your post articulates how it feels to have someone close to you who does this. Thank you.
Don’t you just want to scream sometimes?
Mo – this brought tears to my eyes. I know the feelings of what you have endured with people judging you and I am so sorry. This post is so true – the world would be so much easier for those of us with chronic health issues if people would judge less and love more. Take it easy and keep writing!
ali
Thank you so much Ali.
You’ve said all the things I’ve not known how to say.
I’m only sorry you’ve had reason to live them yourself.
And sorry I didn’t find this even sooner.
Mo, you make my life better.
Peace.
Thank you my Friend.
xoxomo
Thanks for reading Lana, and for your comment. You know exactly what these words mean…you have been through the worst of it also.
I was one of those people, at 33 years old who had the “perfect” life and the “perfect” body, in fact, I was into weight lifting and bench pressed more than most men, just over 180 pounds of solid weights was my record at the time. I was strong, had abundant energy and could run in circles around everyone I met. My entire life I’d been that way, for the most part.
Until, one day, I began to feel exhausted. My muscles began to feel like jelly and they wouldn’t cooperate the same way any more. No amount of rest could cure my exhaustion. This wasn’t a kind of exhaustion that could be made better by sleeping. You can’t sleep away most diseases, but with Addison’s you hope to wake up the next day to find the OLD YOU back again. Each morning becomes devastating as you realize your condition is the same. Waking up as a new person is a dream many people would love to experience…if only life were that easy.
Little did I know that I’d developed a disease which would make it an extreme rarity for me to ever again feel that delicious sense of being “rested” after I’d woke up. Forget lifting weights, I could barely lift my arm any more. If I had not experienced this myself, I probably would find it hard to believe that this can happen to someone. But, Addison’s disease has taught me a valuable lesson in wisdom…just because it hasn’t happened to me doesn’t mean it isn’t happening to someone else.
I don’t have to battle cancer cells to know that someone else has them eating at their body. We don’t have to see everything to believe it is taking place.
I never imagined that my life could change so drastically by Addison’s disease. Sadly, there are people out there who are incapable of accepting truths of this disease, unless it impacts them directly. Usually, those people are the ones who end up with the worse things biting them in the butt, so I often feel compassion for them because they will not escape their ignorance indefinitely. Each of us usually has some issue to deal with. But, if a person needs glasses, I don’t go up to them and tell them that I don’t believe that they really NEED to wear those things…that if they’d just try harder they’d be able to see clearly or that their blurred vision is proof of their mental weakness, not a sign of an actual physical problem…it’s ridiculous. And people who can’t understand Addison’s disease are basically doing the same thing. Only difference, Addison’s is more rare and uniquely difficult to treat because of natural fluctuations in the body, so the treatment is not as simple as the concept of putting on a pair of glasses. This disease can be difficult to manage, even under the best of circumstances.
Anyway, I loved your poem…your words…your honesty. Those people who choose to be ignorant to the suffering of others are suffering from their own condition that is worse than Addison’s. I’d hate to go through life being uncompassionate and judgmental because that position puts a person at risk to lose the most after they find themselves in a flipped position. Worse, it would be awful to go through life embracing such shallow selfish positions. I’d rather let people know that I am so sad they have such a challenging battle and that even if I can’t understand how it feels, I will do my part to try to be understanding and supportive. After all, one day, the roles might be reversed and they might need your understanding and support.
With Love,
Lana 🙂
Said perfectly
Thanks so much Christine!
AMEN!!! What a great post!
I couldn’t agree with you more. One of my top things that irks me is when people use what I (or anyone else) does on a “good day” and throws it in their face when they can’t do something later. “Well you did….” or “I saw you…” It makes me want to scream at people. I want to say, “Yeah SO WHAT? Do you know how what I pushed myself to do on that good day made me feel? Do you have any clue how hard that was, or how much I paid for it later? No? So shut-up.” That’s what I *want* to say back. I try really hard not to. But I do grow very tired of people that are blessed with better health than others, being judgmental.
Amen Deb!
Mo,
Do you want this blog and your other one both listed on my blog roll or are you phasing one out?
Judy, Yes, I would love it if you would list both this one and Mo is blogging i think. Haven’t been writing too much lately, hope to get back in the swing of things soon.
mo
So well said! “Normals” often don’t get it; your post lays it all out for them to help them understand chronics better.
Thanks Phylor!