Last night I was attempting to find something on the Internet. I was tired and getting confused. I was frustrated. After a while I started to swear at the computer, and my Hubby asked me if I was getting BITCHY? (I thought….watch out…I’ll show you bitchy Buddy). Later he apologized. I accepted.
But I realized that my many moods sometimes are misinterpreted by others, especially the fabulous Hubby. Before I got sick I was very even-tempered and easy-going, but I know that my mood fluctuates now depending on how I am feeling.
Chronic illness is a pain in the ass. I never know how I will feel when I wake up in the morning. I can’t make plans because if I do, I might have to cancel. I can’t go out shopping alone, what if I can’t drive home? Shit, I can’t go anywhere alone because I might get lost. No, I am not a hermit or loner, I am just not up to par most days.
As far as reading my moods, I have learned that I need to make things easier for people around me. A frown or a growl doesn’t mean I want to bite your head off, it might mean I am nauseous and I’m afraid I am going to
puke get sick. Laying on the couch with my eyes closed doesn’t mean I am avoiding you, it might just mean I am really dizzy. Staying in my room under the covers doesn’t mean I am anti-social, it might mean I am just too sick to come out of my cocoon. And yelling at the computer doesn’t mean I’m being bitchy, it might mean I am frustrated that I can’t think clearly through the brain fog.
Maybe I will make flash cards to hold up that will let anyone around me know my mood at the time. I think that will work. I will never be called “bitchy” because I have been in the bathroom all afternoon with a diarrhea fit or because my joints have been screaming at me all day.
Thank You for understanding.